Dance

Punk today isn't just about outright rejection, but also about actively striving for a better world. A world that won't go up in flames just yet. A world where sick old men don't get to make decisions about things they don't understand in the slightest. Where miserable billionaires don't have to flee into exile in the Cayman Islands and crash in helicopters. Where even insurance company CEOs die of natural causes, like choking on caviar. Where the most disadvantaged aren't forced to engage in activities they're clearly not cut out for, such as thinking or driving. A world where we don't have to educate silicon instead of children. Where freedom is more than just a name or an insult. Where there are more queers than guns. Where housing isn't provided by Hitler, healthcare by Putin, and everything else by Musk.

Yes, a better world is possible. And if not a better world, then better music, definitely!

Alpha Strategy

There's always got to be someone who first comes up with the idea that things could be different. Someone who bangs two rocks together, pours water over a few seeds, critiques the emperor's new clothes, puts on a pair of trousers, takes a seat on a bus, tells someone about their dream, asks their government to obey the law, or ventures beyond the familiar, into lands where lions roam.

Perhaps, following in the footsteps of Kryštof Harant of Polžice and Bezdružice or Dean Reed, they head east into barbarian territory, employ liquorice as a weapon of mass destruction in a tactical diversion, and deliver their message like Elvis from hell.

Following in the tradition of the Friday intellectual gatherings and the followers of philosopher Jan Patočka, they organise a local underground movement with international guests – philosophical symposia dedicated to deconstructing outdated ways of thinking and exploring new forms of musical expression for rock quartets, all disguised as investment strategy courses.

In various mouldy basements, here and elsewhere, at 190 BPM and 130 dB, everything is invariably smashed to atoms. Hopefully, there's still a beach beneath the paving stones – or at least a few earthworms and roots.

Degens

One possible response to the complexity of modern civilisation is a return to the days when everything was still right with the world – roughly the Palaeolithic era.

As their name suggests, Degens fight their battles with clubs and intend to build a primitive communal society on the ruins of late capitalism. Instead of drones and hacking, they opt for hand axes and flint; instead of artificial intelligence, woodland wisdom; and instead of Bitcoin, sharing.

They draw inspiration from so-called primitive cultures and individuals, with the exception of motorists. They've reinvented the wheel.

Until the techno-oligarchy is brought to its knees, they strengthen their community through peculiar rituals combining ancestor worship, deafening sweat baths, and the tenderising of veggie schnitzels.

At the centre of these ceremonies is a thoroughly unholy misuse of the toaca – a suspended wooden plank traditionally struck with mallets, here subjected to maniacal hammering and, in particularly intense moments, perhaps even used for human sacrifice.

N00100000!

Even these shy outsiders can no longer remain silent in the face of current developments. And so they've decided to take one of the most radical steps imaginable: after a decade and a half of existence, their instrumental band will cease to be instrumental.

Yes, their new song has lyrics!

And they've certainly taken the task seriously. In all their complexity, the lyrics offer a penetrating and intellectually brilliant analysis of the problem, carefully weighed and convincingly argued solutions, and a clear emotional appeal. They possess punch, depth, purity and – why hesitate to say it – beauty.

In their magnificent entirety, they go as follows:

“Fuck all fascists!”

We can barely contain our excitement about what has been created here, and we're convinced the Pulitzer Prize jury will feel the same.

Martin has been entrusted with the vocals, and those in the know are well aware that there's plenty to look forward to. Those C grades in music class weren't for nothing.

In fact, he prefers not to use a microphone, just to give someone else a fighting chance of winning a Grammy this year.